I have come to leave a message to the millions and billions of people who are reading this.
First, I would like to apologize to my father and my entire family, which is why I was arrested away from our house.
I'm not innocent as I have seemed. I've done some very naughty things behind your backs the entire time. But I'm tired of this whole purity game. I'd rather be a criminal than live a stupid boring normal life.
But don't worry! Everyone will be treating me very well in jail.
And I will become famous. Oh-so famous! So famous I will probably become the most famous person in the world. It can't be helped. I'm just too weird, funny, crazy